I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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