okay pat passed out under dana's car
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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