you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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