I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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