if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I did not marry a roomba.
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