dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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