My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
