Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
