I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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