Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
