I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
