u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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