we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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