i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
