stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
