When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
