quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
