he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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