last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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