I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
