The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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