no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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