After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
