Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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