Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
