I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
