we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
