No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
