My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
