TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
