I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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