i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
