I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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