'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
