Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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