Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
