You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
