like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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