I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
