Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
