someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
