I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
