Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
