What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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