It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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