Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
