ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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