so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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