ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
