Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
