What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
