so that wasnt chicken after all
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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