According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
